Sarcastic Art Lover Gifts

'Genius?! Pah! A five-year-old could paint this.' 'Perhaps... But a five-year-old couldn't convince anyone it was great art. Therein lies the genius.'

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

Donald Trump Removing Aggressor Label From Vladimir Putin

Apart from protest footage I forget what downtown looks like.

Loan Alley

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

HELLth Food Sprouts

'It appears you've done a wonderful job...of not getting fired.'

The Death Of Venus

The Origin of Creationism

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

"Outré or simply bad?"

"Actually, I think it's a cluster of SCUD missiles heading our way!"

'You're one heck of a corporate head-hunter, Ms. Bridwell.'

"This is one of her more important paintings from her early period."

Earth and the Coronavirus

How About Serving Us For a Change

Native Habitats: Trump/Lies

Have you ever read Dickens, minion? No. Businessman of the Year. Armstrong Maynard. How about Upton Sinclair? John Steinbeck? Who? … Marx? Mark's what? Thank you for reminding me why I hired you, minion. Can I take my weekly lunch break today instead of Friday?

Decaying corpse

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

Santa Claus Poops on the Chimney of the world.

"The Defendant must stop trying to side-step every question the prosecution asks!"

'Brand X, the wine for those with indiscriminate taste.'

Give me your sick...

"Our ideal employee will be able to answer email in their sleep."

"With great power comes great reward."

Golden bubbles

"The subaqueous qualities of the biomorphic forms spacially undermine the larger metaphorical resonance of the mark-making."

'I got a job working for Google Earth.'

Architectural Messages Through the Ages.

"It's his dream job ... "

"I don't see any mention of quicksand skills on your resume."