Sarcastic Gift Giving Pillows

Another day at work would be one too many...

Hello, my name is riskyy@ronny5 and I am addicted to comments boards.

'Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!'

'I miss telling people they can't have a day off to be with their sick children!'

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

'How was your holiday?' - 'Fantastic! Great weather! Great food! No illness!' - 'So, back to work tomorrow, then?' - 'Yeah, I guess so.' - 'Lousy, germ free holiday.'

'great win, kids! Let's celebrate... My treat!!'

'Ms. Hatton, take a letter, a number and a hike...'

"Sir, can I interest you in a luxury coffin?"

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

"I hate doing appraisals, it involves thinking about them."

"No, I said go knock yourself out."

'Please enter your pin now.'

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

'What will it be tonight? Gore and dismemberment, idiotic and foul-mouthed comedy aimed at fifteen-year-old boys, a macho revenge fantasy, or our special combo platter?'

"Look, you guys call here all the time and we keep telling you - we don't tale telemarketing calls! If you call one more time, I..."

Jenkins! Why is it everything in this office is voice-activated except you?

"You dumb clod! Do you realize you're almost two minutes late?"

'I fu*@!Ng hate you!!!'

'All our appliances come with energy saving device - off/on switch.'

"For my will I decided to cut out the middle man and bequeath all my money to the IRS."

This is a voice recognition service...we reserve the right to cut you off if you have an irritating nasal sort of voice.

'That pretty much kills my appendicitis diagnosis.'

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

"You're taking this 'King Of Beasts' thing too seriously."

"Fetch!" "Sorry, I'm on a break."

I'm keeping my phone on...we'll need a wake up call after this guy speaks!

"You know, crime doesn't pay... at least at your level."

"Pigheaded, Fat Scumbag, who should be wiped off the face of the earth, is there an emoji for that?"

"Oh, Stan, I love your sarcastic sense of humor."

'At least we don't have to worry about getting those as gifts.'

"I'm not whining."

"So, Ben, what do you want to be when you stop sponging off your parents?"