Sarcastic Gift Giving Pillows

"Really, it's okay of you don't like it. I'll just put it back in the neighbor's garbage."

Another day at work would be one too many...

'Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!'

Hello, my name is riskyy@ronny5 and I am addicted to comments boards.

'How was your holiday?' - 'Fantastic! Great weather! Great food! No illness!' - 'So, back to work tomorrow, then?' - 'Yeah, I guess so.' - 'Lousy, germ free holiday.'

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

'I miss telling people they can't have a day off to be with their sick children!'

Hey, how was space? Fine. Jeez. The adolescent astronaut.

'In this world, son, you've got to learn to push yourself.'

'great win, kids! Let's celebrate... My treat!!'

'Ms. Hatton, take a letter, a number and a hike...'

"Sir, can I interest you in a luxury coffin?"

'Please enter your pin now.'

"No, I said go knock yourself out."

"I hate doing appraisals, it involves thinking about them."

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

"Look, you guys call here all the time and we keep telling you - we don't tale telemarketing calls! If you call one more time, I..."

'What will it be tonight? Gore and dismemberment, idiotic and foul-mouthed comedy aimed at fifteen-year-old boys, a macho revenge fantasy, or our special combo platter?'

"You dumb clod! Do you realize you're almost two minutes late?"

Jenkins! Why is it everything in this office is voice-activated except you?

'I fu*@!Ng hate you!!!'

'All our appliances come with energy saving device - off/on switch.'

"For my will I decided to cut out the middle man and bequeath all my money to the IRS."

'That pretty much kills my appendicitis diagnosis.'

This is a voice recognition service...we reserve the right to cut you off if you have an irritating nasal sort of voice.

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

"Fetch!" "Sorry, I'm on a break."

"I'm not whining."

"So, Ben, what do you want to be when you stop sponging off your parents?"

"Oh, Stan, I love your sarcastic sense of humor."

I'm keeping my phone on...we'll need a wake up call after this guy speaks!

'At least we don't have to worry about getting those as gifts.'

"Pigheaded, Fat Scumbag, who should be wiped off the face of the earth, is there an emoji for that?"

"You know, crime doesn't pay... at least at your level."