Sarcastic Note Sender Pillows

'May I have your card? I'll be sending either a thank you, or a screw you note.'

Another day at work would be one too many...

Hello, my name is riskyy@ronny5 and I am addicted to comments boards.

'That was creepy. They ran short on cadavers, so we operated on the dean of students.'

'Caesar salad?'

"Because you've been working so little, you can have the rest of your career here off."

'I've got an exciting new assignment for you. You're going to share one salary.'

'I had to stamp down on staff using nicknames at work. They even had one for me!'

"True, it is 'organic.' It's also a dead squirrel!"

'You always wanted a larger office with a view.'

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

'I fu*@!Ng hate you!!!'

Thomas Carlyle

"If you need me, I’ll be in the living room clawing the bejesus out of that Navajo rug you just picked up at auction."

"... and God bless my mom and her courage to call this food."

Didn't we fire you last week?

'At least we don't have to worry about getting those as gifts.'

"Lemme guess: You forgot the basil Mom asked for, and my ice cream is in your briefcase?"

"Don't look at me. I'm just the gay friend."

'Oh he's sporty all right - he can be up and down on his stairlift in under ten minutes'

"Hey, if we're getting laid off, it's every man for himself!"

"You think you have the boss from hell?!"

Men Not Working.

"Why do you call it a thyroid problem when it's been giving me an excuse for the 20 pounds I gained this year?"

'That's four million, one hundred and eighty straight misses, Mr Fenson. Your shooting has gone all to hell.'

The final reward for a writer... 'R.I.P. At last a deadline I can live with!'

"Oh, please, do tell me what Warren Buffett has to say about adding bleach to delicates."

Personalized Tax-Return Mailers.

Big Brother.

"Why can I only cross 'right' or 'wrong'? What about 'I don't care', 'I don't give a damn' or 'How should I know'?"

'Like it'll do any good.'