Sarcastic Scribe Pillows

"Ha, ha. I'm just messing with you. Ha, ha. Don't bless all our reps in Congress."

'There's something wrong with my stomach.' - 'Keep your coat buttoned and nobody will notice.'

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"Well, I'm the company sports champion! During the lunch break I ate more hamburgers than any other colleague!"

'I had to stamp down on staff using nicknames at work. They even had one for me!'

'Where's the petty cash?'... 'It's in the box marked Pension Fund.'

'My phone number, Social Security number and Zip Code, just to buy gum? They didn't ask me that many questions when I joined the army.'

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

"True, it is 'organic.' It's also a dead squirrel!"

Mitch learns he is not the brightest bulb in the chandelier.

'Wow! - Your diary is even more boring than MY diary!'

'It will cure every ailment known to man, the only side effect is, you'll choke to death trying to swallow it.'

"No, I don't wanna read your damn blog."

Not a good day - he's counting paper-clips.

"... and God bless my mom and her courage to call this food."

The canteen food's pretty awful...

"Bird of paradise, my ass."

"You were always my favorite to guilt-trip."

"Send them in for their Christmas bonuses."

'Since this is my first time in court, I wonder if it would be all right if my attorney got a couple of shots of me lying under oath.'

"You think you have the boss from hell?!"

"The end of my patience is near!"

"Hey, if we're getting laid off, it's every man for himself!"

'I'm always broke because I keep getting MUGGED!'

'I needed a little guidance on bulk pricing strategies... are you LISTENING?'

Less than Ultimate Fighting.

Men Not Working.

"One of his employees won the lottery!"

'Oh he's sporty all right - he can be up and down on his stairlift in under ten minutes'

A man in hospital is exposed to Covid-19

"I admit - as papercuts go it's quite a serious one."

'Police! Snow White we have complaints about your relationship with 'Grumpy', and one 'Dopey' some ten years ago.'