Sarcastic Banter Lovers Pillows

'Of course you always offer 'concrete solutions.' Your head is full of cement.'

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

'It appears you've done a wonderful job...of not getting fired.'

"Where do you see yourself in five pints time?"

An Archeologic Dig

How About Serving Us For a Change

"That fish may be bigger, but I caught more."

"According to this, everything we've done up to now is right."

Tell me, how do you fit into the scheme of things here?

Loserville Next Exit: Try not to miss it this time.

"I may have bird legs but at least I don't have crow's feet."

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

"No, I don't wanna read your damn blog."

STILL LIVES - Double Head Match: 'I think we're a match made in heaven.' 'It seems more like the the work of the Devil to me!'

'Here comes Ted.'

Know-it-alls

I'm buying last year's car today with next year's money.

"Lemme guess: You forgot the basil Mom asked for, and my ice cream is in your briefcase?"

"I'll have a Maker's Mark, and she'll have a shot at being the mother she never was."

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

"Some prop-forward he's turned out to be."

'I do hope you enjoy your birthday lie-in, dear.'

"Yes, it was good for me - not as good as it was the last time, but probably better than it's going to be the time after this."

'Have we met someplace? Yes, that's why I quit going there.'

"When we get inside, remember to use your indoor whining and complaining voice."

"But it wouldn't be premarital sex unless we got married."

My parents went to a t-shirt shop and all they got me was this lousy tattoo.

"We have met today because you, Cynthia, and you, Kevin, now want to look together for a scapegoat to blame for your stupidity, your laziness, your total failure, and for your antisocial behaviour."