Sarcasm Detector Pillows

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

'That's not really what I meant by 'let your hair down', Rapunzel.'

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

"So, you say I'll be doubling the numbers of animals I kill?"

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

German Expressionist Breakfast

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

"You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

You want me to be a what? A hipster. My research shows caf

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

Devil's food cake/Angel's food cake. Delivery mix-up.

The Snarky District

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

'The Burrito King.'

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

"This is Briggs, our new department head. He's got an amazing knack for reducing complex problems into easy-to-understand witch hunts!"

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"My tariffs will move the world in a new direction!!"

Hello, my name is riskyy@ronny5 and I am addicted to comments boards.

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

'Someday TVs will be in big boxes on the floor.'