Sandy Humorist Gifts

'I suppose if we had some money we could buy sand from each other.'

"Once upon a midnight dreary / while I pondered weak and weary."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

Honest Vending

Building Sandcastles.

'Oh, come on - If you're gonna mess up my castle, take the whole thing.'

Drunken singers in a public house

'Hey, Birdbrain, does the word ozone mean anything to you?'

"A man threatens to destroy town with army of turtles after dispute with city hall. Local authorities initiate a shell-ter in place in preparation for the noc-turtle invasion."

Scene on the English coast.

"Still getting those hot flashes, Margaret?"

"What the hell do you mean you don't think it's mine?!"

"I like a diet rich in surfers."

"I'm the king of the jungle! Why do I always get the hand-me-down phones?"

"Wow, 27, not bad! Me, I've ruined 53 surfing competitions..."

"It was a lovely holiday. The chips crispy and delicious, the ice cream cornets were to die for, the only downside being, the hostility of the humans, who were reluctant to share their sustenance."

"At work, they call me benchmark."

'Aren't you supposed to drop the clam on the rock?'

'I am wearing my bikini!'

'This is totally bananas!'

Car driving comes upon fork in road.

'The double codpiece and chips is very popular with the Blackpool crowd, your highness.'

The Domestic Violence Workshop Commences At 2:30.

"Please listen carefully as our menu options have changed..."

'The law is clear. The salami sandwich sits downwind from the bench.'

'The gannets are worse than the gulls!'

"If that book is gonna deposit hundreds of grains of sand into our bed later tonight, it better be damn juicy."

"I'll draw them out with the cheese platter, but it's up to you to entertain them."

"OY! You trying to nick my chips?"

Alien Abduction

'At $87,000, I'd say this comes from the artist's I'm-milking-this-for-all-I-can Period.'

'Up periscope!'

Mermaid and reverse-mermaid meeting each other.