Sandy Humorist Gifts

'I suppose if we had some money we could buy sand from each other.'

"Once upon a midnight dreary / while I pondered weak and weary."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

Building Sandcastles.

Honest Vending

'Oh, come on - If you're gonna mess up my castle, take the whole thing.'

Drunken singers in a public house

'Hey, Birdbrain, does the word ozone mean anything to you?'

Scene on the English coast.

"A man threatens to destroy town with army of turtles after dispute with city hall. Local authorities initiate a shell-ter in place in preparation for the noc-turtle invasion."

"Still getting those hot flashes, Margaret?"

Microwave Popcorn. Other side up. Whatever you do, do not go in the sauna.

"I like a diet rich in surfers."

"What the hell do you mean you don't think it's mine?!"

"Wow, 27, not bad! Me, I've ruined 53 surfing competitions..."

'We're out of sugar pills, so I'm giving you some M&M's.'

"At work, they call me benchmark."

"I'm the king of the jungle! Why do I always get the hand-me-down phones?"

"It was a lovely holiday. The chips crispy and delicious, the ice cream cornets were to die for, the only downside being, the hostility of the humans, who were reluctant to share their sustenance."

'Aren't you supposed to drop the clam on the rock?'

'This is totally bananas!'

'I am wearing my bikini!'

Car driving comes upon fork in road.

'The double codpiece and chips is very popular with the Blackpool crowd, your highness.'

Did you see our favorite comic strip today. The oldy Oldersons. Lemme see! Jebediah Drake's The Oldersons by Abner Drake, Jr. Oldena, you know, I can never tell the difference between pastrami and corned beef. Don't be so rye. Hilarious! But you know what bothers me? It's only in 95% of newspapers. Some papers are replacing it with new strips. What?! Mobilize the troops! The most powerful political group in America: AARC. The American Association of Retired Cartoon Readers. Give us Oldy or give

'The law is clear. The salami sandwich sits downwind from the bench.'

Alien Abduction

"OY! You trying to nick my chips?"

'The gannets are worse than the gulls!'

"Please listen carefully as our menu options have changed..."

"I'll draw them out with the cheese platter, but it's up to you to entertain them."

"If that book is gonna deposit hundreds of grains of sand into our bed later tonight, it better be damn juicy."

The Domestic Violence Workshop Commences At 2:30.

'At $87,000, I'd say this comes from the artist's I'm-milking-this-for-all-I-can Period.'

Mermaid and reverse-mermaid meeting each other.