Sandwich Satirist Gifts

It turns out they don't go together so well,

Honest Vending

'Been Away?' A piece of bread looks at a piece of brown toast as if it's got a suntan.

"Two vegans, please."

A Club Sandwitch.

The Official Covid-19 Diet

"Aww geez... peanut butter and jellyfish again."

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

"Perhaps we should cleanse our palates first?"

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

'Bacon-butties are my favourite!'

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

The BLTR (the bacon, lettuce, tomato, revolution)

"I'm a retired doctor."

Armstrong, an unmarked truck just delivered a pallet of mystery meat. Turkey. It doesn't look like turkey. It looks more like some sort of dehydrated pigeon. What's it matter? If we slap it in a sandwich, smother it in "gravy," and label it "turkey," customers won't know the difference. Wait, did you just think quotes around the word gravy? "no."

Suburban street.

Breakfast cereal in the Treasury.

"He left with two other slices of bread, turkey, bacon, lettuce and toothpicks. I think they went clubbing."

A lot of attention gets paid to the Earl of Sandwich, and rightfully so, but let's not forget to show some respect for that neglected Lord of Lunch, the Viscount of Potato Salad.

For the Love of Peanut Butter

Peanut Butter and Jam Attack,

'Cheese.' - 'Cheese.' - 'Cheese.' - 'Cheese.' - 'Mum. Can I have something different in my sandwiches tomorrow?' - 'Okay.' - 'Cheese and pickle.' -

Your Dinner is in the Tin

Gloria knows where you've been tonight, Lance. Apparently, that sandwich she made you for lunch contained salami, cheese, lettuce, tomato and a GPS tracker. !! !!

"I don't know what kind of sandwich you made, but we're out of cat food."

"There is some evidence that chocolate can be good for you... But the health benefits tend to fade after the first 20 kilos."

"Due to unforeseen circumstances, there will be no delays on the subway today."

Carnegie Deli

"There are mysteries up here on the 13th floor. Like who keeps locking the exit door? Why is that clock always 12 minutes fast? And who actually eats the liverwurst sandwiches from that machine?"

'I hate it when they take the food pyramid, mix it all together and serve it in a trough!'

'Would I be right in thinking that little Jimmy helped make the sandwiches?'

'A rodent Jelly Cake! Thanks Mum and Dad!'

Cops on trains: 'Is that a truncheon, or are you just pleased to see me?'

'I'm putting my husband's card in the bag too... he's a Dentist.'