Sandal Enthusiast Gifts

'Ooooh, convertible!'

Summer feet.

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

'Do you think that's wise?'

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

Shoe addict.

The prophet who changed water into diet grapefruit soda.

The Alpha Seltzer

'Hang on a second, I think I have a sand castle in my shoe.'

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'

'I was hounded out of office!', 'That explains the smell.'

The signing of Ben Franklin's non-disclosure agreement.

Fifty shades of Leveson.

'I don't think of my skin as saggy...I think of it as relaxed-fit!'

"A trillion bottles of beer on the wall, a trillion bottles of beer..."

"City kids."

"Ooo... she sounds nice... 'I enjoy burying myself in the sand and sideways walks on the beach.'"

"Maps to stars' rehab centers."

"It's running five minutes fast."

Dept of Probability: Maybe, Possibly, Perhaps.

"Sir, your new campaign manager is here."

'Oh, I'm just writing a tender memoir or my long ago affair with J.F.K...it's filled with pathos and sad wishful longing...'

"Wait, I've got sand in my shoe."

"Doesn't look good. The boss just changed his Facebook status to 'Fleeing the country with hookers and compnay 401k plan.'"

"We're going public with our stock AND your philandering."

"What's the best way to break up a marriage?"

"This one has nicer sand, but I think I prefer the tree on the last one we saw."

'This tuna is being recalled. It contains seahorse.'

"You never saw a tax haven. Now look into this light.

"Ain't no denying it son. It's a genuine fact that the surfers rule."

Rupert Murdoch in the mud.

'Mom, can I take the beach home as a souvenir?'

"What are you thinking of, Dear?" "Oh just something I said to Robert Mueller."

Evolution into a pair of sandals.

Trumpled