Salmon Sage Gifts

'Leader shy and angler wise I can put up with - it's the darn insolence that bothers me.'

'Unbelievable: My cowboy expects me to drop everything and come running when he whistles...'

'Anything you can compute I can compute better. I can compute anything better than you.'

We are shaped by what we love! Especially pizza and doughnuts!

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"First you make a roux."

"Wait a minute- these are just the ten commandments of perfect mashed potatoes."

"I told you to order the mild salsa!"

Fumes from furniture

'Leeks can disappoint you and garlic will break your heart, but only onions make you cry.'

Saguaro Cacti.

The chairman's boat springs a leak: 'Just keep bailing and never mind the wisecracks.'

Fish near-death experiences.

The chip - Loyal worker, tireless teacher, friend

Last Will and Testament: Salt, Pepper, Tarragon, Garlic.

"...At what point do hemorrhoids become 'just another hobby?'"

'About that blood pressure...stop taking things with a grain of salt.'

'Was this eye of newt locally sourced?'

Before you learn to make the perfect ale, my son, you must first learn to make the perfect little bowl of nuts and pretzels.

This salad tastes funky� Is this ranch dressing? Oh, I'm sorry, sir� I thought you ordered raunch dressing.

'Maybe I'm not a failure — maybe I'm just a late bloomer!'

Strategic Metals and Non-Strategic Metals.

What can I get you? Something light but filling. Flavorful but not too spicy. Healthy but not boring. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Something right in the middle. Neither here nor there. It must walk the line of non-offensive yet opinionated. I wonder if Arby's is taking applications. If I eat a sandwich in the woods and no one is around, do I make a sound?

"It needs more old salt."

"Relax, at your age it's perfectly natural to make groaning noises every time you move a body part."

The Deli Lama - Sandwich shop.

I imagine at your age, you attend a lot of funerals, Sadie. Oh, yes, they're quite lovely. As a child, I attended birthday parties. As a lass, I attended sweet sixteens. As a young adult, I attended weddings. As a mature woman, I attended retirement parties. Now, in the twilight of life, I attend funerals. "Deathday" parties, if you will. And it's beautiful. Because it's all come full circle? Because for once, I don't have to buy the %$&*@ a gift.

'Hey, I just noticed something. So you know what you get if you cover the 'c' in potato chips? Potato hips, isn't that funny?'

"I don't think you'll still be that 'Zen' when I tell you someone's nicked your cheese and pickle sandwich from the fridge."

"You tell him it needs more salt, I'm not telling him!"

'No, sorry, money is the root of all evil!'

'I just love the change of seasons.'

'Your Dell went to hell.'

Bacteria Special Offer

'Cooking, it's rocket science...'