Sales Magic Enthusiast T-Shirts

"I still call it a custard tart but to be honest, it's a dairy free, soy fructose mix, with no nuts."

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

'What do you do with the time you save?'

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

The Salesman

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

Real Estate Krisp Flakes: Location! Location! Location!

'This wasn't what I meant by viral marketing...but if you can get it to work.'

'I found this sales plan from 1977 ...'

"We can succeed if our target audience is not made up of rational human beings."

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

"I got it in the sales."

"We're estimating that sales are now up to about here."

"I've got a great idea! By adding the words "and associates" to my business name, no one will every suspect I'm really just one person with a phone and a web site working out of my bedroom!"

Seeing progression motivates.

'Rabner is tops in customer retention.'

Whatever works for you.

"I think you'd make a persuasive salesman."

I was hoping you might convince him by demonstrating the quality of the product.

"Prospectus in not spelt P...R...O...A...G...A...N...D...A."

"We're targeting a specific demographic: the utterly clueless."

'The good news is consumer confidence is up. And the REALLY good news is consumer gullibility is Way up.'

'But what do you sell?'

'Remember Jones, the customer is always right, no matter how stupid and ignorant he may be.'

'It's the philosophy of the company that truth in advertising begins at home.'

'... And for $50 more, this is the same basketball shoe in a turbo model.'

'The sales team did all they could, so I'd have to say the blame for that must fall on the consumer.'

'Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public. Ethical advertising uses the truth to deceive the public.'

'Our profit dropped because half of our salesmen are in 'How to increase the profit' - training, sir.'

"Love's OK, but there's no money in it. For the right price, I could help people fall in love with your products."

"As you can see, it's pretty simple - just find the customer and make him buy."

'Great now put the company logo on the togas and make the building in back look like the Parthenon.'

"Let's be honest here and admit we're targeting the 'stupid-with-their-money' demographic."

'The plan is to market our original product as a new product...'