Sales Critique Fan Gifts

'Of course this product is completely useless! The deal is, you pay me for keeping the lousy thing!'

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

Charities should investigate whether published reports are 'Misleadingly Positive'.

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

"In layman's terms, it's £12,750."

'You may have found more new customers than the other salesmen, but your profits are too small! Stop just pulling in peanuts, Barry!'

"Recent research has yielded some frightening results...It turns out we are a business team held forever on a presentation chart, locked away in a supply closet."

"You know, maybe he's not the small-business man he claims to be."

The Calmocracy

'Thanks for the order, Mr Barnes and I want you to think of me as your friend.'

LIBERAL MEDIA POLLS, 'Do you think President Obama is doing a great job, a wonderful job, or an absolutely terrific job?'

"I'm looking for someone who's qualified to cover my mistakes."

'Okay, the print media convicted you...but trust me, the video media will overturn the verdict.'

Man asking why the lamp in the picture doesn't come with the bicycle

'Didn't I read your last book, find it absolutely disgusting and vow never to read another, or was that someone else?'

'Why on earth did you ask the customer if there was anything else you could do for him??!'

'For kicking our salesman down the stairs, we take 10 euros extra charge, sir!'

"They're becoming very pushy these doorstep salesmen."

"No, that's not a typo. This baby actually gets eight gallons per mile."

Cull people who want you to give 110%

"No for your lifetime, just for ITS..."

Door to door salesman selling anti aging cream

Eighty, eighty five, ninety, ninety five and five makes a pound.

'Well, you don't like the contract terms, you don't like the prices, you don't think that you need our products in general... hmmm. Maybe I can convince you with a hook right into your face?!'

Another Spin?

"Use Kivimo for ten days. If not completely satisfied,you have a very negative personality."

"Bloody left-wing cartoonists! They keep drawing me in a one-sided way, but I'm a multifaced personality!"

'At least, the customers still remember our company, our products and me...'

Xmas special - the same stuff we always sell, but now with added spray snow on the window.

...I've been sitting grumbling about the size of your salary too.

They were the Magnificent Seven of Sales, but two of them were sick that day.

Bobblehead Give Away Night.

Salesman caught by irate customer.

Illustration to Punch Commerce Section

The Year of The Dog