Marketing Critique Fan Gifts

Xmas special - the same stuff we always sell, but now with added spray snow on the window.

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

'And this will be our strategic plan for the coming year.'

"These targeted ads are getting out of hand."

Golden parachutes inc. - 'Our pleas for bail-out funds were ignored.'

Roads with a view.

'Six years ago you received a complimentary set of steak knives. You thought they were free didn't you Jimmy?...'

Actually, Mama was her third word. Buy Now were her first two.

"Recent research has yielded some frightening results...It turns out we are a business team held forever on a presentation chart, locked away in a supply closet."

Pizza Special: 5 Pizzas for $50 (Limit 4).

"You know, maybe he's not the small-business man he claims to be."

'To placate the public, we've done away with the cash bonuses and have found another way to compensate you.'

The Calmocracy

Coca-Cola Inc: 'Gentlemen, is it too late to be bailed out for 'NEW' Coke?'

"Gap... Tony Soprano fit"

"Do we wait for it to be approved as an antibiotic, or do we go ahead right now and sell it as furniture polish?"

"Wow, we're doing great."

LIBERAL MEDIA POLLS, 'Do you think President Obama is doing a great job, a wonderful job, or an absolutely terrific job?'

'We don't believe in treating people like a number. Here, you'll be treated like a slave.'

'The following program was made possible by a totally unscrupulous sponsor....'

BP's Spill Bill

"But your room does have a sea view, it's 43 miles over there behind the power station."

"I'm looking for someone who's qualified to cover my mistakes."

'How do you like the new incentive scheme?'

'Okay, the print media convicted you...but trust me, the video media will overturn the verdict.'

"Publicly, we're still saying there are no side effects."

And this is one we made earlier.

'Buy plain packet cigarettes - get free coloured pens to make your own packet design.'

If they didn't show commercials, people would not know what to buy.

'Let's one-up our critics. Let's add anti-oxidents to our cigarettes.'

On sale at the Enbridge gift shop.

'Exploiting the workers hasn't helped...so we'll have to start screwing them.'

'Didn't I read your last book, find it absolutely disgusting and vow never to read another, or was that someone else?'

"How can a drugstore afford to buy a large insurance company for $69 billion?"

"We were thinking, J.W., just off the top of our heads, of course—why not make the stuff addictive?"