Sale Snubber Gifts

The man who bought a sofa that was not in a sale.

'It's nothing serious. Rest is the best cure for binge shopping.'

Stuff: You Don't Really Need But Still Don't Have.

'And I want that end table for $40...' When bargain hunters crack.

"I've got a better view on my smart phone."

"I never saw 'Cheers,' so I won't miss 'Cheers.'"

The simultaneous development of dining and pomposity.

Rapunzel's hair comes down to suitor as a braided ladder.

'Crabs, sharks, octopi...'

'But what do you sell?'

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

"Apricot pit?! Are you kidding, Mister? This stuff knocks raw avocado and almond nut outta the water!!!"

"Any yet he's always on my case."

"How much is the sign?"

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'

Cash Rebate

'The good news is, I got your Mum's cardigan.'

"Most men have a tankard, but oh no, not you."

'It was an impulse buy Mary. At 75 percent off in the New Year sale AND free home delivery. . .'

'He's a mixed breed.'

'Hell, no, I don't want any sake.'

'No, you don't have fever. You have to go to school.'

'Bargain basement sale ... Everything's down but the prices.'

"Bargain hunters!"

"Lady, I didn't go to barista school just to serve you black coffee."

'You have too much salt in your diet.'

"Sorry. We're strictly store-goers."

Reduced to clear.

"Hmm, based on the wine you're looking for, how did you get in here?"

'Hundreds of years of medical progress, and all you can tell me to do is eat less?'

Garage Sales

"You cannot resist my universal appeal!"

'Yeah, yeah, yeah; two years in French oak; warm days; cool summer nights. What the heck's the alcohol level?'

'If you keep walking, you'll save a hundred percent.'

The End is Near: Shoe Sales Ends Friday!