Salary Sceptic Gifts

'Instead of a pay raise, I hold a monthly poker tournament and pay the winner a pittance!'

Fear/Knowledge

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

"I don't think those are authentic, either, bud."

Another Bigfoot sighting...

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

"Do you think the flat earth society has members round the globe?"

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

Channelling on the Cheap

"With an average vote of 3.5 stars, the legislation is passed."

'Do you believe in reincarnation?' - 'I don't now, but I did when I was Napoleon.'

Rumors, lies and innuendo.

'In order to fund your deferred compensation, we won't be paying you any salary.'

'See, dear, you can't believe everything you read. It says so right here on the internet!'

The new Physics

'Oh my!...Corn circles, Roswell, aliens, pyramids - there's a connection!...'

'If I've learned anything, it's believe half of what's in the newspapers, and even less of what's in your e-mail.'

"About the vaccine, I read online that it was so Bill Gates could inject us with CHIPS!"

Conspiracy Theory Bookstore: JFK, Princess Di, and Osama Bin Laden.

"We fell for this last time remember..."

"It's a great story, funny and entertaining - and better still it's not won a single prize for literature."

"And he had it peer-reviewed by his fellow pseudoscientists."

'I might give you the benefit of the doubt. But I doubt it.'

'Remember, son, don't believe any thing you hear and only half of what you see.'

'Wagner, if I paid you what you're worth, you'd be working for nothing!'

''Tree of Knowledge,' eh? - Has it been fact-checked?'

"According to these latest tests, anything can cause anything."

"I'm back from Russia. Putin offered me a Dacha to say he's an honest man."

Flat-earthers and round-earthers reach a compromise.

"Call me crazy, but this guy is really starting to worry me..."

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

Govt. UK led by Seance

'Every man has his price, Peterson. I've decided yours is £2.75.'