Salary Skeptic Gifts

"It's a fabulous deal. You'll make peanuts."

'Every man has his price, Peterson. I've decided yours is £2.75.'

'Not for what I'm getting paid!'

'Wagner, if I paid you what you're worth, you'd be working for nothing!'

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

Headphones Strip 16: Blasphemy

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

'My teacher is a man of letters...except A and B.'

"With an average vote of 3.5 stars, the legislation is passed."

"It's a great story, funny and entertaining - and better still it's not won a single prize for literature."

"We fell for this last time remember..."

',,,and you can name your salary as long as it falls within our range of underpaid employees,'

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

'I just don't get it. The new motivational posters aren't helping at all!'

Find the failed CEO who got a 200 million dollar bonus while being fired.

'It's a wonderful find, and yet there's something suspicious about it.'

'Such a small bonus.'

'Well, I'm AGAINST adding a course in business methods to the curriculum....

"You don't even look good on paper."

PERSONNEL, 'Your resume has everything but verisimilitude.''

They all have to get down the slide in 2.7 seconds or we lose our funding. In schools soon: The recess aptitude test.

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

'Lincoln Standardized Test Center - formerly Lincoln High School'

'Before sending these ideas I have to the boss, run them past legal, my Ouija board and my magic 8 ball.'

"Sometimes I think I'm a victim of the 'Peter principle', I reached my real competence level some time ago..."

"We've got a vacancy for a church mouse, if you're interested?"

'Yeah, I couldn't make a lousy cent for days and I don't care about it! Got me, dude?'

Ex-Banker: Can you spare the price of a cup of tea? Anything else is a bonus.

'You know, folks, if they still haven't made you paranoid enough, here's something ELSE for you to think about.... What if Benghazi was just a DISTRACTION?'

'Is the 'living happily ever after' part just spin?'

"More to life than money..."

'Get in there, $1,500,000, and pinch-hit for $3,250,000'

'Instead of a pay raise, I hold a monthly poker tournament and pay the winner a pittance!'

Humans are not logical. A "five-start" rating is very unimpressive when you consider how many billion of us there are out there.

'Your sense of entitlement is beginning to show.'