Salad Starter Gifts

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

'Like death by salad.'

'Congratulations on your 100% plant-based diet. I'm referring you to a botanist.'

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

'Preparing rocket salad isn't domestic science, ladies.'

Surprise in the salad bowl

"I don't bake, I don't cook, but I make one kick-ass vinaigrette."

'Diet considerations.'

"I had a Caesar salad for lunch, but that was two days ago."

"Getting drunk grilling lettuce just isn't the same."

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

"It's been 10 years Martha, why are we still eating quinoa?"

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways … Open Mike Night Presents Sadie Cohen. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my ladle can reach … When feeling hungry for the crunch of crouton and ideal lettuce. I love thee to the level of every day's most quiet need ... by cheesy bread and chicken wing. I love thee freely, as men strive for right. I eat of thee freely, and then, at four, 'tis goodnight. O Sizzler salad bar, how do I love thee? I'm hungry.

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

Cinema with a salad bar in its lobby.

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

"Some protein with my salad? Sure, put a 24 ounce Ribeye in it."

"More croutons, sir?"

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

Free salad bar.

Ranch Dressing

"Might I recommend one of our salads? They come with three of your companion's fries."

"I'll just have a small salad. . . say 400 pounds of fresh river vegetation."

"Good morning, Mother! We made you a desk salad."

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious day when you're ripe and not yet mealy?"

'If a tomato is a fruit, why don't you get it in fruit salad?'