Salad Tamer Gifts

"....Need some of this nice mixed salad, to stick in the fridge & chuck out next week."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'Like death by salad.'

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

'Diet considerations.'

"I had a Caesar salad for lunch, but that was two days ago."

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

"It's been 10 years Martha, why are we still eating quinoa?"

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

"More croutons, sir?"

Cinema with a salad bar in its lobby.

"Some protein with my salad? Sure, put a 24 ounce Ribeye in it."

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

Fly-fishing. - Favourable wind and the trout rising as fast as possible.

'I found this bag of salad hidden in the locker room - who's is it?'

"Who is having the 4 bean salad? Half portion?"

'No - we really don't cater for vegans, even our salad dressing is made from sperm oil!'

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious day when you're ripe and not yet mealy?"

"Good morning, Mother! We made you a desk salad."

"I'll just have a small salad. . . say 400 pounds of fresh river vegetation."

Free salad bar.

Ranch Dressing

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

'You're eating too much roughage.'

'If a tomato is a fruit, why don't you get it in fruit salad?'