Salad Starter Mugs

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

'Like death by salad.'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

'Congratulations on your 100% plant-based diet. I'm referring you to a botanist.'

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

Surprise in the salad bowl

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

'Preparing rocket salad isn't domestic science, ladies.'

"I don't bake, I don't cook, but I make one kick-ass vinaigrette."

"It's been 10 years Martha, why are we still eating quinoa?"

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

"Getting drunk grilling lettuce just isn't the same."

'Diet considerations.'

"I had a Caesar salad for lunch, but that was two days ago."

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

"Some protein with my salad? Sure, put a 24 ounce Ribeye in it."

Cinema with a salad bar in its lobby.

"More croutons, sir?"

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

"I'll just have a small salad. . . say 400 pounds of fresh river vegetation."

'If a tomato is a fruit, why don't you get it in fruit salad?'

"Who is having the 4 bean salad? Half portion?"

Free salad bar.

Ranch Dressing

"Good morning, Mother! We made you a desk salad."

"Might I recommend one of our salads? They come with three of your companion's fries."

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious day when you're ripe and not yet mealy?"