Salad Snarker Gifts

'Waiter, this salad is obnoxious!' 'But, sir — you asked for French dressing!'

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

"There are no croutons. I use tater tots on my salad."

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

Vegetables VS Junk Food.

'Which channel would you like to tut at tonight?'

'I found this bag of salad hidden in the locker room - who's is it?'

'You're eating too much roughage.'

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

'No - we really don't cater for vegans, even our salad dressing is made from sperm oil!'

"Who is having the 4 bean salad? Half portion?"

An art director eats: 'Waiter! Does this lettuce say 'salad' to you?'

"'Superman legacy' was awful. Just awful!"

"I want proof that I even need that much iron before I go eating all that spinach."

"I think I'll just leave a hate tip."

'What! No garnish or side salad?'

"It's got lettuce and pickle...why can't we call it a salad."

"Let me guess. You want French and you want ranch?"

"Would it help if I ate a salad?"

'One thing about your salads, I learn a lot about insects. You forgot to wash the lettuce again!'

"If you want extra virgin oil on the salad that's a £5 supplement...."

'Dear, what if tonight I add watercress, sorrel and purslane to our salad

How to sell healthy food...

"Putting a steak, chicken wings and potato chips on a salad kind of negates the eating healthy concept."

Anatomy of a Salad

Seven Layers.

Fred walks into a salad bar on the wrong side of the tracks.

Bottle Of Thousand Island Dressing going towards island.

Condensed chef salad

'Don't kid yourself. If you're too ugly to be cooked, they'll grind you up into one of those fish protein concentrates.'