Gourmet Snarker Gifts

"I really prefer the place across the street. The cockroaches are smaller."

"My compliments to your chefs - their broth was disgusting."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Needs salt!'

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

The Main Types of Cheese

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'Eight wiener dogs, and six rolls. It's just not right.'

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"The bagels are better in New York."

'This place is really classy. They bring the microwave right to your table!'

"The chef recommends the tilapia. However, I really like the vodka."

'You'll find it has a bouquet reminiscent of cherries and chocolate, a silky texture and best of all, for me, a 72% gross margin.'

'To be honest I'm sick of truffles.'

"The special is… pine nut encrusted… filet of salmon… in a balsamic wine reduction."

Pizza with Extra Extra Cheese.

'House wine?'

"Fresh ground anti-depressants?"

"I think it's important to have a hobby outside of work...mine is eating chocolate."

"I know, boy—I miss the smoked salmon at Zabar's, too."

Dave's Hamburger Shop

"I see you've discovered the heirloom Twinkies."

'Which channel would you like to tut at tonight?'

Chef's Specials - Hissy Fits, Shouting and Swearing, Pompus Indigestion.

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

'Hey, Frenchie - you call this paupiettes de beouf aux legumes?'