Gourmet Snarker T-Shirts

"I really prefer the place across the street. The cockroaches are smaller."

"My compliments to your chefs - their broth was disgusting."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

'Needs salt!'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

'I think I'll go home and eat'

The Main Types of Cheese

'Eight wiener dogs, and six rolls. It's just not right.'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"The chef recommends the tilapia. However, I really like the vodka."

"The bagels are better in New York."

'This place is really classy. They bring the microwave right to your table!'

'You'll find it has a bouquet reminiscent of cherries and chocolate, a silky texture and best of all, for me, a 72% gross margin.'

'To be honest I'm sick of truffles.'

"The special is… pine nut encrusted… filet of salmon… in a balsamic wine reduction."

Pizza with Extra Extra Cheese.

'House wine?'

'Which channel would you like to tut at tonight?'

"I think it's important to have a hobby outside of work...mine is eating chocolate."

"I know, boy—I miss the smoked salmon at Zabar's, too."

Dave's Hamburger Shop

"Fresh ground anti-depressants?"

"I see you've discovered the heirloom Twinkies."

Chef's Specials - Hissy Fits, Shouting and Swearing, Pompus Indigestion.

'This is not Hungarian stew.' 'We ran out of Hungarians.'

'Hey, Frenchie - you call this paupiettes de beouf aux legumes?'