Culinary Snark Gifts

"I think I'll just leave a hate tip."

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

Soup of the month.

"That's it. We’re toast."

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

'The Burrito King.'

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"Bob takes everything with a grain of salt...and pepper...and garlic..."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"What do you suggest...the tuna fish or the peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich?"

"What happened to the thin crust guy I married?"

'The following programme contains scones of a sexual nature.'

Where Deviled Eggs come from

'My brother's a proper cook - he's come as a witness'

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

"The chef ran out of the shiitake-infused sweet potato au gratin, so he substituted hash browns."

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

A Pirate Egg Prisoner about to Walk the Plank into a boiling pot of water

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'The customer is always right...'

Gingerbread man sits at desk marked food editor

'No, we don't have any tuna FISH, but we do have salmon FISH, trout FISH, and catfish FISH.'