Culinary Prankster Gifts

Slug Revenge

'Mother, is this some kind of sick joke?'

"Here's the pub-grub you ordered"

"The chef ran out of the shiitake-infused sweet potato au gratin, so he substituted hash browns."

"Don't be alarmed, Lois, but there appears to be a pop-up thermometer protruding from your right buttock."

Well, if the soup's too cold, blow on it.

"I couldn't have made my family recipe raisin date nut cake with it's secret ingredient without Jimmy's help."

"You're just pushing my buttons about all-microwave cooking ... aren't you?"

'Nice Touch!'

Winter lunch.

'Thank you for the turkey, thank you for the dressing, and thank you for the squash, which Mother cleverly refers to as pumpkin pie.'

"Be right with you - just need to call for a tow truck and change today's 'Catch of the Day' to venison."

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'My husband made my cake from scratch...even the candles.'

"I just need help getting the pit out."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

'My brother's a proper cook - he's come as a witness'

Man opens refrigerator which promptly burps.

Do-it-yourself sushi bar serves live fish to customer.

Tonite: Gala Costume Party. Got your costume for the big party? No, I'll just part my hair on the other side and go as my own reflection.

'Well you asked for Al dente.'

Cat makes a dog pound cake with dog cather inside.

Soup Company: Chicken Stock, Beef Stock and Laughing Stock,

"I'm not trying to freak you out, but your eel roll is moving."

"More helium."

(Mother Goose: playboy's Mirthful Master of the Macabre serves Up Some Strange Twists On a Clutch of Children's Classics.) "Is this supposed to be somebody's idea of a joke?"

'I'm going to bake you a sponge cake...where do we keep the sponges?'

Hell's Kitchen specials: Lawyer thermador, barrister kabobs, litigator flambe, attorney tartare.

"It's good to see that... ...Tia Carmen teaching Gracie valuable family traditions passed down through the generations."

Doughnut Criminals

'Word to the wise: Always check the cheese for pills.'

'You can do whatever you want, Herb, but I sure wouldn't take advice from a bowl of alphabet soup!'

'The chef's hat was delicious! But the hair...'

Mock Apple Pie Recipe

'I'm sorry, sir, but cheeseburgers are out of season.'