Salad Snarker Prints

'Waiter, this salad is obnoxious!' 'But, sir — you asked for French dressing!'

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

"There are no croutons. I use tater tots on my salad."

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

'Which channel would you like to tut at tonight?'

Vegetables VS Junk Food.

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

'I found this bag of salad hidden in the locker room - who's is it?'

An art director eats: 'Waiter! Does this lettuce say 'salad' to you?'

'You're eating too much roughage.'

'No - we really don't cater for vegans, even our salad dressing is made from sperm oil!'

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

"Who is having the 4 bean salad? Half portion?"

"I want proof that I even need that much iron before I go eating all that spinach."

The male of the species approaches the cafe counter. What's that, Mr. Pinkerton? Careful not to disturb those around him, the male scans his surroundings. His senses, his vision and his sense of smell have been honed by years of evolution and survival. Sniiif! At last, the male makes his move! He orders one slice of rhubarb pie, a la mode! You want pie? Suddenly, he is alerted to danger. The male seeks refuge behind a petunia! … but is it too late? No pie for him. The male will have a salad. The

"'Superman legacy' was awful. Just awful!"

"Now hold on just a minute! Salad - fine! Chick flix - fine! But I draw the line on video games!"

Please be gentle, waiter. This is my first salad. I'm sorry, sir, but there's a reason they call it "roughage."

'What! No garnish or side salad?'

"It's got lettuce and pickle...why can't we call it a salad."

"I think I'll just leave a hate tip."

"Let me guess. You want French and you want ranch?"

"Would it help if I ate a salad?"

'One thing about your salads, I learn a lot about insects. You forgot to wash the lettuce again!'

"If you want extra virgin oil on the salad that's a £5 supplement...."

"Putting a steak, chicken wings and potato chips on a salad kind of negates the eating healthy concept."

How to sell healthy food...

'Dear, what if tonight I add watercress, sorrel and purslane to our salad

Anatomy of a Salad

Seven Layers.

Bottle Of Thousand Island Dressing going towards island.

The expulsion from the Garden of Olive.

Fred walks into a salad bar on the wrong side of the tracks.

Condensed chef salad