Salad Magician Gifts

The Perfect Garden.

"Behold! As I transform this family size frozen lasagna into a meal for one."

Domestic Goddess.

'Like death by salad.'

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

Surprise in the salad bowl

'Preparing rocket salad isn't domestic science, ladies.'

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"

"I don't bake, I don't cook, but I make one kick-ass vinaigrette."

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

"More croutons, sir?"

Cinema with a salad bar in its lobby.

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

'I love it when you cook - it lets me practice faking it.'

" 'Unlimited salad bar' sounded better on the menu."

"Might I recommend one of our salads? They come with three of your companion's fries."

"Good morning, Mother! We made you a desk salad."

"I'll just have a small salad. . . say 400 pounds of fresh river vegetation."

Free salad bar.

Ranch Dressing

'After you with the camouflage.'

'If a tomato is a fruit, why don't you get it in fruit salad?'

'There's something wrong with the slow cooker. I check it every minute but nothing's cooking!'

"I want a big-a*s salad."

Tsunami in the cooking pot.

"Every time my wife has an accident in the kitchen, I end up eating it. . ."

'The Chef's Salad isn't available today. She ate it herself.'

'Help! -- I ate too much and I can't get up!'

'Howard's short stay in the hospital was good for both of us. He finally appreciates my cooking.'