Saintly Sustainer Gifts

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

The Audacity of Fake Environmental Hope

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

That one has all the batteries!

The eco club is starting a locavore movement here at school. "Loco" what? Eating fresh food, grown locally. So? So everyone eats healthier and uses less energy. Um � Ok. I'll tell my mom. Who are those people. Locobores.

Mrs Claus - North Pole Dancing.

Flight attendant piloting Santa's sleigh.

'Yeah, I know your idea of heaven is to play golf all day, but all we have is shuffleboard!'

Child writes letter to Santa reading 'Sorry Santa, I DO want to go to school'.

'I've prepared a self-evaluation which you can refer to when you do my annual review.'

No employee is indispensable, but Doreen came pretty close.

Please Give

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

Gracie sees a plane on Christmas Eve and tells her dad Santa is flying it.

"I'm like most people, I guess––a mixture of good and bad."

'Just tell him you mind your teacher and do your lessons. You don't have to prove it.'

"I didn't get anything I asked for last year so I want your acceptance of this year's list to be notarized."

"It's called a "sanctuary": they fixed my broken wing, took care of me for a few weeks, then released me. Amazing..."

Next World Tours

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer had used to have a very shinysun-seekingtreacherouscharitablefame-seeking mobile nose

'Santa, don't believe him. He's the one who ate the cookies and milk last year.'

'Yes, I think you better had ask Santa for it. Because there's no way I could afford to buy it.'

"Nice sermon. Not too preachy."

'Don't worry about your small handicap: Santa is an equal-opportunity employer: It will turn out fine...'

'My teacher was right about how many words you can make with just twenty six letters.'

'I'm a guy and my name is Vixen! Of course I'm going to have issues!'

Snowball Fight With Santa

"Why the hell aren't you writing all this down?"

You wait until the polar icecaps melt my friend then we will see who is laughing!

"Psychiatric emergency service? Please come fast, I have one here who believes in me!"

'Be good! Santa's watching!'

During a respite in union negotiations, simmering tensions boil over as some disgruntled members of the toymakers elf union take matters in their own hands.

I heard a rumor that he's going to deliver presents using drones this year! I hope not! Drone technology is far less reliable than Rudolph and the other reindeer! And besides, Christmas eve won't be the same if the sound of sleigh bells is replaced by the buzzing of a drone! My big brother said if I don't make his bed for him every day, he'll hack into Santa's database and put me on the "naughty" list. I've never trusted his computer system. And e-mail. I ask for presents with a hard-copy

'Het Dad, I don't need a bike from Santa anymore. I just found one behind your wardrobe!'

"If you're not a good boy, Santa will bring you only educational toys."