Rural Urbanite Gifts

Urban relocation

A cat has caught a cow which it is dragging through it's cat flap.

A Highlander Chasing Dogs with a Knife and a Broom.

It’s God’s country, if your God wears camouflage and dips tobacco.

"Did you remember to take the trash in?"

"Analysts warn that computerization of the villages won't give the expected results!"

Mr Metrosexual.

"Who knew we had so many dislikes in common?"

"They’re real."

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

"You were the one who thought it was too dangerous to raise a child in the big city."

"What's wrong, girl? Trouble? Rachel can't decide which private school to attend?" "Upper West Side Lassie"

Through Traffic Keep Left/We're Through Traffic Keep Right

No need to be concerned, madam! I'm wrapped in cotton wool!

"I thought we'd eat out on the patio for a change."

Farmers' Warnings.

“Typical, first we lost our winter fuel payment, and now our woolly jumpers!”

"Ernie's full service salon and day spa."

"I like New York, but I miss sleeping drunk on my front lawn."

Milkin' Impossible

A boy who loves cows/burgers

"They lead a simple life - they don't even put gas in their cars."

'It's a sign of the times, a high rise block of caves reserved for hermits.'

'At least they can't touch the village local' say two country gents. The pub now has a sign on the window saying 'This is now a smoke free pub, also no dogs or horsey types!'

"....Reception on my tablet is so much better since I added wifi to my mule..."

An English Gold Field

"I'm looking for something that says country-but-only-an-hour-and-a-half-drive-from-the-city."

"We missed Fashion Week!"

A cow on a drip.

Gertie, the tree climbing has to stop!

Rooster

'At milking time, I just love the soft hands of the new young farm hand: A nice change from old farmer John's...'

Horse Clean-up

"Perhaps it would be easier using mice?"

"Have you noticed Carl never leaves the field to go to the bathroom?"