Rural Life Observer Gifts

Cattle Show

'This country is on the road to ruin.' - 'Well, it'll never get there in this traffic.'

Cow jumping over the moonshine.

Please Drove Carefully.

'Wentworth Street, Whitechapel'

Goat about goat: 'He's no longer gruff since he's been on Prozac.'

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

Lamb Noise.

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

"They’re real."

'I'm collecting manure for my strawberries.' The woman says, 'I always put cream and sugar on mine.'

"You say that using a colicky horse to pull you out of the mud may actually help his colic?"

"Static cling."

'Leadership training.'

"Your shepherd, Louie, has retired. I'm Mr. Smathers. I will be your grazing-resource coördinator and flock welfare-and-security manager."

LAST-MINUTE CAMPAIGN STOP

'Oh, I plow the fields, Greta takes care of the house, and young Johan, here, maintains the website.'

Mummy?!

'Cows have bells because their horns don't work.'

"Welcome to Randolph, Vermont. Don't even think of relocating here!"

"And when someone gets your goat, what do you suppose it is that keeps you from going and getting it back?"

'Jimmie, run and tell your dad the tractor is flooded.'

'I'm not feeling well. I think I've got human flu.'

"I like friut flies!"

A cow on a drip.

'There'll be a special meeting of the board concerning the recent generous contribution of stock.'

'Step on it, Larry.'

'Toilet paper, Lassie! Fetch toilet paper! Stupid mutt!'

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

'Oh Yeah! It's frosty! BOO-YAH!'

The physics of the situation had Jed confused. The cow had merely ambled onto the haystack, so was clearly not a leapt-on Yet at the same time, it clearly was a moo-on.

"Perhaps it would be easier using mice?"

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

"I can't afford to feed you."

'Why should I be scared? I'm not a crow...'