Rural Culture Enthusiast Gifts

Cattle Drive Zoom

"You say that using a colicky horse to pull you out of the mud may actually help his colic?"

"Static cling."

"Your shepherd, Louie, has retired. I'm Mr. Smathers. I will be your grazing-resource coördinator and flock welfare-and-security manager."

'Yes, we have a very diversified economy around here.'

"Welcome to Randolph, Vermont. Don't even think of relocating here!"

'Cows have bells because their horns don't work.'

'Jimmie, run and tell your dad the tractor is flooded.'

"Ok Lassie, cut out the smart arse bit and just herd the sheep."

Boy, this stuff's hard to swallow!

'There'll be a special meeting of the board concerning the recent generous contribution of stock.'

I told you not to use horse liniment as an underarm deoderant...

Welcome to the urban farm. A bit of country in the city.

'Toilet paper, Lassie! Fetch toilet paper! Stupid mutt!'

'My practice is limited to small animals, Sir....'

I've been doing sit-ups!

'Wilbur, I'm afraid the patient is no longer in stable condition.'

Meanwhile in Yorkshire

"Quick! Get your gun, Pa! Here come the suburbs."

"Do you recognize the one who stole your tractor?"

'Listen, McDonald, either knock off the E-I-E-I-O, or I call the sheriff!'

"This is nice. Just you, me, Buster and a landscape by Andrew Wyeth."

'I met my wife on Faeces Book.'

Early American Think tank

Slow, Men at Work.

Surburban Joys - Haymaking.

"I'd better get a hit country song out of growing up this way."

'Are you paying in cash, check, credit card or livestockfarm produce?'

"I'm tired of having to apologize for the condition of the house."

"I just love what you've done with the place!"

The Farmer's Return.

"Sweet! He upgraded with a cup holder!"