Rug Maintenance Gifts

"Oh, and remember to roll up the rug the other way when you're done so it'll lie flat again."

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

Man using to much bug spray

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

"These colder temperatures always cause my tire pressure to drop—it's a good thing I stopped to check." Peter finally grows up.

Yardless: Please help

"No! I want to live! I want to live!"

Neighbor Leaf Wars

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

"Lovely dovetail."

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

"The trees are laughing at us."

The household cavalry

Timber preservation

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

Lazy plumber.

"I fixed your leaky tap and the oven door... but there's nothing I can do with that dodgy seal on the fridge!"

House proud woman vacuums hair from dog.

"I just got a text message from our dehumidifier. It says it doesn't know how much more of this rain it can take."

'Hanging around the house, Fred, just in case.'

"Let me call you back, Lori. I'm binge-watching John clean the gutters."

"What already?! You're the one who told me I needed professional help."

"If you need anything in the building, just call the super. This is the only known photo of him."

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

'And if it ain't baroque, don't fix it.'

"Go back! The place is full of mold!"

Product Testing Department

"The mold cleaners are here! I gotta scram."