Farm Maintenance Gifts

Horse Clean-up

"These colder temperatures always cause my tire pressure to drop—it's a good thing I stopped to check." Peter finally grows up.

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

"No! I want to live! I want to live!"

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

Thank you, Essential Workers

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

Neighbor Leaf Wars

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

"Just a harmless little genetic experiment," they said. Yeah, right...

Farmers' Warnings.

'Where's my glove?'

'There! Now he's tied to my satisfaction and ready for surgery!'

Lazy plumber.

'I wonder how long he's been a vet?'

'It's not good enough that you are my yes persons, I want you imprinted on me!'

'I forgave ya for puttin' 'em all in one basket, but this goes too far!'

'If you could roll up your sleeves, go behind the screen and plaster the wall.'

"If you need anything in the building, just call the super. This is the only known photo of him."

'I admire your can-cock-a-doodle-do attitude.'

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

"Go back! The place is full of mold!"

Human males marking territory.

"Larry does all his own stunts."

"We're going to need a bigger rake."

"Look at that ant farm! I love the ants' little overalls!

'I finnaly located what was causing that hissing sound on the tractor.'

'The trouble with living on a farm is there are too many things a child can do.'

'Aside from a crazed sheep now and then, this is a very risk-free profession.'

"It's times like this I wish I was ore than just an armchair plumber."