Farm Maintenance Gifts

Horse Clean-up

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

"These colder temperatures always cause my tire pressure to drop—it's a good thing I stopped to check." Peter finally grows up.

"No! I want to live! I want to live!"

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

Thank you, Essential Workers

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

Neighbor Leaf Wars

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

Home De-Po. Things you need for your project. Things you didn't know you needed until you were halfway through your project.

'No, you can't play Space Invaders in it.'

'Hey, are you like me? Do you hate mowing around trees? ell, then THIS is the machine for you!'

"Just a harmless little genetic experiment," they said. Yeah, right...

Farmers' Warnings.

'Where's my glove?'

'There! Now he's tied to my satisfaction and ready for surgery!'

Lawn Order. It's a landscaping show about maintaining a tidy yard.

Lazy plumber.

'I wonder how long he's been a vet?'

'It's not good enough that you are my yes persons, I want you imprinted on me!'

'If you could roll up your sleeves, go behind the screen and plaster the wall.'

"If you need anything in the building, just call the super. This is the only known photo of him."

'I admire your can-cock-a-doodle-do attitude.'

'I forgave ya for puttin' 'em all in one basket, but this goes too far!'

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

"Go back! The place is full of mold!"

"Larry does all his own stunts."

'The trouble with living on a farm is there are too many things a child can do.'

Human males marking territory.

"Look at that ant farm! I love the ants' little overalls!

'I finnaly located what was causing that hissing sound on the tractor.'

"We're going to need a bigger rake."

'Aside from a crazed sheep now and then, this is a very risk-free profession.'