Royalty Raconteur Gifts

Prince Charles celebrates Queen's abdication.

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

“Sweet mother of Marmaduke... no!”

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

Non Thought For The Day.

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

'Oh, just my old war injury acting up.'

Harbaugh bragging rights 2043...

'Here goes the second bottle of champagne... I think it would be fair of You to tell me what are my chances so I know whether to order another bottle or not...'

"Back in the day, this pub was full of young, long-haired radicals, hell-bent on changing the world."

There is no limit to the amount of nonsense that men can talk about football.

"That's the man, Officer. That's Mr. Right!"

'With me and Dave it was definitely love at first sight. How about you two?'

How Platypuses Are Born

Social butterfly

How was your week on the lake? Twig fell in lo-love! Oh, tell me! Why did I say that? Now I'll never find out anything. Relax, momster. $20 and I can provide a full background report. Done! Boys are so communicative!

'I'm writing a poem -- what rhymes with 'hegemony'?'

'But what I'd really like to do is direct.'

"You misinterpreted the news. I've simply had a terrific autumn."

'So, do you fish for sport or do you actually catch something?'

'Even women talk about the one that got away'

'You can't keep blaming everything on the Mongol hordes.'

Brenda always had Safe sex

'I understand that the two of you had a rather successful collaboration on our new sex manual!'

No Smoking in the Castle

Dear Diary...Royal Diary

'It's a cheeky little wine!'

"And this is where I met your mum."

'When did I first start rambling? Well, it's a long story...'

"This must be the transparency he promised."

"Whatever you do in there all day is fine with me, so long as it's not writing a memoir."

'Ok, ok. We'll run through it one more time. The rabbit pops up, goes round the tree ..'

"You've just been copying things from my sex diary into your sex diary."