Royalty Raconteur Gifts

Prince Charles celebrates Queen's abdication.

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

“Sweet mother of Marmaduke... no!”

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

Non Thought For The Day.

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

'Oh, just my old war injury acting up.'

'Here goes the second bottle of champagne... I think it would be fair of You to tell me what are my chances so I know whether to order another bottle or not...'

"Back in the day, this pub was full of young, long-haired radicals, hell-bent on changing the world."

There is no limit to the amount of nonsense that men can talk about football.

How Platypuses Are Born

'With me and Dave it was definitely love at first sight. How about you two?'

Social butterfly

"That's the man, Officer. That's Mr. Right!"

'I'm writing a poem -- what rhymes with 'hegemony'?'

'So, do you fish for sport or do you actually catch something?'

'But what I'd really like to do is direct.'

'Even women talk about the one that got away'

"You misinterpreted the news. I've simply had a terrific autumn."

Brenda always had Safe sex

'You can't keep blaming everything on the Mongol hordes.'

'It's a cheeky little wine!'

'I understand that the two of you had a rather successful collaboration on our new sex manual!'

Dear Diary...Royal Diary

No Smoking in the Castle

'When did I first start rambling? Well, it's a long story...'

"Whatever you do in there all day is fine with me, so long as it's not writing a memoir."

'Ok, ok. We'll run through it one more time. The rabbit pops up, goes round the tree ..'

'...And before I knew it, I'd delegated ALL my authority!'

"You've just been copying things from my sex diary into your sex diary."