Royal Staff Gifts

The Height of Impudence.

"You have a really lousy sense of humor."

That's the king's food sniffer – He makes sure there are no pills wrapped in the bacon.

"You rang, m'lord?"

'It's from your Council of Economic Advisors, Your Majesty -- they're demanding a pay hike.'

'I'm worried sick -- the King just ordered a bunch of Benny Hill DVD's!'

'Congratulations -- you've been promoted from churl to knave!'

'Tell His Majesty we really do need some more ashtrays.'

'In order to be the king's permanent wine taster, you only have to be able to do 3 things: drink, swallow...and live.'

One of the Queen's corgis urinating on a butler.

'Can you hang on a minute - we've got a bit of a bill log-jam, your majesty.'

'I'll have your head on a platter.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

Multi-tasking.

'These are job perks.'

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

'At this rate I'll end up with more heirs than hairs!'

"It is we."

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

Busy office.

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

The role of administration.

Brainstorm in progress.

'Brains...brains...brains...'

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

'It was at this point that the executive group began its hatha flow retreats.'