Royal Staff Gifts

The Height of Impudence.

"You have a really lousy sense of humor."

"You rang, m'lord?"

'It's from your Council of Economic Advisors, Your Majesty -- they're demanding a pay hike.'

'I'm worried sick -- the King just ordered a bunch of Benny Hill DVD's!'

'Congratulations -- you've been promoted from churl to knave!'

'Tell His Majesty we really do need some more ashtrays.'

'In order to be the king's permanent wine taster, you only have to be able to do 3 things: drink, swallow...and live.'

One of the Queen's corgis urinating on a butler.

'Can you hang on a minute - we've got a bit of a bill log-jam, your majesty.'

'I'll have your head on a platter.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

Multi-tasking.

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

'These are job perks.'

'At this rate I'll end up with more heirs than hairs!'

"It is we."

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

Busy office.

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

The role of administration.

Brainstorm in progress.

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

'It was at this point that the executive group began its hatha flow retreats.'

'Look Jefferson, much as I respect your emphasis of the informal approach...'

'Nobody minds if I take the ocean view suite with complimentary champagne and Sven, the in-room Swedish masseur, do they?'

Sales.