Royal Family Assistant Gifts

"I was assistant to Prince Andrew for six months, then I realised that, no matter how good I was, they were never going to make me Prince Andrew."

'At this rate I'll end up with more heirs than hairs!'

"It is we."

Photos of Queen Elizabeth II

"Is this the same gold bar I gave you last year?"

Fairy Library - Cinderella Marries the Prince

"Of all the labour saving devices invented in the last 70 years, this is one's favourite."

"Possible exception to Prince William's proposed halt on space travel." proposed halt on space travel."

'I'll have your head on a platter.'

Reign Man

'It's been a pretty slow day -- What say we knock off a couple hours early?'

"You have a really lousy sense of humor."

'One can see the baby's crown!'

"What good is power if you don't use it?"

"It may not be resplendent, Your Highness, but it's totally ergonomic."

Queen Hermione - Queen Victoria Urged To Stop Mourning and Return to Public Life

'I'm a guard dog too.'

'I'm not saying he's unpopular, but the Secret Service won't let me wear spike heels.'

"Friend or foe?"

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

'Actually,no. It isn't okay to have a little chat and sign a few autographs!'

The King In The Rain.

French 75s at the Stafford

"The militant hard-liners are making demands, the fanatical zealots are issuing threats, and the moderate centrists are offering suggestions."

"...some of these tadpoles may not be yours."

'Not till you're sixteen.'

My horse for a kingdom.

'Do you have an appointment?'

"What do you mean, Grandma granted you asylum?"

"You rang, m'lord?"

POLLS, 'If an election were being held today....'

Catherine the Great with her daughter Nora Soso

'In order to be the king's permanent wine taster, you only have to be able to do 3 things: drink, swallow...and live.'

'I know you had to give him a job because he's a relative, but I still think a Press Secretary should know how to read and write.'

'You're just lazy! -- Don't give me that 'metal fatigue' stuff!'