Royal Servants Gifts

'You idiot! I said bring me a wench!'

'At this rate I'll end up with more heirs than hairs!'

"It is we."

'Gerry just can't seem to relax on holiday.'

"Is this the same gold bar I gave you last year?"

The Bearskin Hat Family

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

"Of all the labour saving devices invented in the last 70 years, this is one's favourite."

'I'll have your head on a platter.'

Reign Man

"You have a really lousy sense of humor."

"Until you clean you room, I'm confiscating your iPod, your Xbox and your jester!"

'It's been a pretty slow day -- What say we knock off a couple hours early?'

"Friend or foe?"

"You can't just put on the uniform whenever you don't want to have a conversation, Barry."

'I'm not saying he's unpopular, but the Secret Service won't let me wear spike heels.'

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

The King In The Rain.

"The militant hard-liners are making demands, the fanatical zealots are issuing threats, and the moderate centrists are offering suggestions."

'Not till you're sixteen.'

My horse for a kingdom.

POLLS, 'If an election were being held today....'

Limbo Day at the Palace

"My wife isn't speaking to me."

'In order to be the king's permanent wine taster, you only have to be able to do 3 things: drink, swallow...and live.'

Catherine the Great with her daughter Nora Soso

'I know you had to give him a job because he's a relative, but I still think a Press Secretary should know how to read and write.'

"You rang, m'lord?"

'Do you have an appointment?'

The Height of Impudence.

"And then at 3 you have a meeting with the royal pain in the butt."

Charles entered wholeheartedly into the Royal image re-building.

'Don't blame the King, Ma'am. This was all his divorce lawyer's idea.'

"Consititutionally there's no bar to marriage. I'm C. of E."

"It's from Henry VIII, sire. He's going to be in town and wants to know where the best hook-up spots are."