Royal Family Staff Gifts

"Your Grandad went into royal service, he's a fireside rug in Buckingham Palace."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

Multi-tasking.

'At this rate I'll end up with more heirs than hairs!'

'These are job perks.'

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

"It is we."

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

Busy office.

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

Brainstorm in progress.

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

The role of administration.

"Is this the same gold bar I gave you last year?"

'It was at this point that the executive group began its hatha flow retreats.'

'Look Jefferson, much as I respect your emphasis of the informal approach...'

Sales.

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

'Brains...brains...brains...'

Academic Jeopardy - "The great unknowns and cosmic uncertainties of the universe are reduced by this number daily."

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

'At this juncture in my presentation, I'd like to dispense with the illusion of coherence.'

'Stevens, get in here. I need a few minutes with the left side of your brain.'

Around here it got a little tricky...

"I'm glad you felt able to get that off your chest...now could we discuss next year's targets?"

'And Steven here takes care of the donkey work.'

'Miss Hartley, implement me a coffee and a cheese danish.'