Royal Family Staff Pillows

"Your Grandad went into royal service, he's a fireside rug in Buckingham Palace."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

Multi-tasking.

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

'At this rate I'll end up with more heirs than hairs!'

'These are job perks.'

"It is we."

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

Busy office.

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

Brainstorm in progress.

The role of administration.

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

'It was at this point that the executive group began its hatha flow retreats.'

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

"Is this the same gold bar I gave you last year?"

'Brains...brains...brains...'

'Look Jefferson, much as I respect your emphasis of the informal approach...'

Sales.

Academic Jeopardy - "The great unknowns and cosmic uncertainties of the universe are reduced by this number daily."

'At this juncture in my presentation, I'd like to dispense with the illusion of coherence.'

'Stevens, get in here. I need a few minutes with the left side of your brain.'

Around here it got a little tricky...

"I'm glad you felt able to get that off your chest...now could we discuss next year's targets?"

'And Steven here takes care of the donkey work.'

'Miss Hartley, implement me a coffee and a cheese danish.'

'It's my spare tire. Why do you ask?'