Routine Jester Gifts

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"We're following Carrot Top."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"I always check twitter before work, to see if yesterday's joke got me the sack."

"Unless one is a humorist, Haskins. One should avoid attempts at humor."

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

'WELL, that certainly was a frank discussion! Shall we proceed to the inevitable apologies, retractions and clarifications?'

Stepping on clown's shoe...

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

'Clear out your desk, Randy. ...NEXT!'

"I wanted a Meticulous Monday or a Thorough Thursday report. This reads more like a Frivolous Friday."

"This is bad work, Edwards! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"

When Pro Athletes Enter The Workforce.

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

"The job is yours. You're a jerk, we're all jerks, I think it'll be a great fit!"

"An open one-to-one environment is what you want, an open one-to-one environment is what you get, Ms Praed."

"I'm not lazy. I'm resting before I get tired."

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

"Humiliation is a very important part of the the process, Mr. Keifer."

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."

Corporate Cafeteria. I don't care how many toppings you pizza has --- eating it is not multitasking!

'That's part of out in-house, stress management program...'

We're looking at better ways to share our knowledge & expertise. But I'm not going to tell you what they are.'

'My stretch goal for this year is to get 52 weekly paychecks.'

"Excuse me, Mr Newton, but some of the employees think that your promotion has gone to your head."

'Welcome to the office. . . Someone will be along to remove your self esteem and install your paranoia.'

Slave Drivers.