Roofing Company Owner Gifts

"It's the stock brokerage company again. Some of their investment picks have gone through the roof again."

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

Fast food. Even faster food

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"Freudian, Jungian, Adlerian – none of it compares to retail therapy."

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

"This is a clever little shop. It makes you think it would be fun to own a lamp."

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

Try to guess the continent dining...

"Something romantic, perhaps?"

Mac's Bait and Sushi Shop

Today's special... donuts.

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

Kitchen Kapers

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

Desert $2.75. See? -- It wasn't a typo.

Bar snacks served in bird-feeders.

'Humans are so considerate: They put perches like these for us on every one of their houses...'

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

"I understand this diner has quite a reputation."

"Pizza sounds wonderful. Italian, Greek or Hipster?"

Hashimoto's Restaurant - Sushi Like Mother Used to Make!

"This is our soft opening."

'When he comes through that door, let's all jump up and give him a big kiss!'

"The food isn't bad, but I don't care much for the floor show!"

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

Would you be willing to sign something regarding the fat content of your burger? Like what? My colon.