Pool Owner Gifts

'That ought to keep the neighbors from sneaking in and using the pool while we're away!'

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

'Every piece of equipment is hooked up to battery cells in the basement, and we actually sell electricity back to the power company!'

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"This feels like an accomplishment."

Fast food. Even faster food

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

Today's special... donuts.

"Something romantic, perhaps?"

Try to guess the continent dining...

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

Mac's Bait and Sushi Shop

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

Bar snacks served in bird-feeders.

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

"A pint! I'll need proof, and that's human years, not dog years!"

Kitchen Kapers

"I understand this diner has quite a reputation."

"This is our soft opening."

Hashimoto's Restaurant - Sushi Like Mother Used to Make!

"Pizza sounds wonderful. Italian, Greek or Hipster?"

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

Beer Stall

Desert $2.75. See? -- It wasn't a typo.

'When he comes through that door, let's all jump up and give him a big kiss!'

"The food isn't bad, but I don't care much for the floor show!"