Swimming Pool Owner Gifts

"Did you remember to order a liner for the pool?"

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

'Every piece of equipment is hooked up to battery cells in the basement, and we actually sell electricity back to the power company!'

"This feels like an accomplishment."

Fast food. Even faster food

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

Mac's Bait and Sushi Shop

Today's special... donuts.

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

"Something romantic, perhaps?"

Try to guess the continent dining...

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

"Pizza sounds wonderful. Italian, Greek or Hipster?"

Kitchen Kapers

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

Bar snacks served in bird-feeders.

"I understand this diner has quite a reputation."

Desert $2.75. See? -- It wasn't a typo.

"This is our soft opening."

Hashimoto's Restaurant - Sushi Like Mother Used to Make!

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

"The food isn't bad, but I don't care much for the floor show!"

"We have; pulled pork, enticed chicken, persuaded lamb, bullied beef, cajoled Turkey..."

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

"The lobster dinner is thirty eight dollars, or for ten dollars extra you can have him returned to the sea."

Would you be willing to sign something regarding the fat content of your burger? Like what? My colon.

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"