Pool Owner T-Shirts

'That ought to keep the neighbors from sneaking in and using the pool while we're away!'

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

"This feels like an accomplishment."

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

Fast food. Even faster food

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

Today's special... donuts.

Mac's Bait and Sushi Shop

Try to guess the continent dining...

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

Kitchen Kapers

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

Beer Stall

"A pint! I'll need proof, and that's human years, not dog years!"

"This is our soft opening."

Bar snacks served in bird-feeders.

Hashimoto's Restaurant - Sushi Like Mother Used to Make!

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

"Pizza sounds wonderful. Italian, Greek or Hipster?"

"The food isn't bad, but I don't care much for the floor show!"

'When he comes through that door, let's all jump up and give him a big kiss!'

"It's kind of sweet when they're all settled in like this."