Boat Owner Gifts

'This is my new boat. I finally succumbed to pier pressure.'

"You experience violent mood swings from elation to despair? That's normal for a boat owner."

Other uses for boa constrictors: Docking bumper boa.

'It IS an interesting hat isn't it? I made it from the skin of the last dog that fouled my mooring ropes!'

"You were doing 10 knots over the limit."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'That's our mission statement.'

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

A fight in the Boardroom.

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

'We want everyone to remember our name.'

'Shhhh. Fido inherited seventy percent of this company.'

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

'That was fun!'

"Don't forget to leave me a wakeup call so I can get the worm!"

Dog Walking Services

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

'Office' block tightening it's belt

6 Brothers Falafel

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

Bank Loan Dept. Personal Business. Uh-oh, some loans have gone bad! A tennis pro defaulted and a novelist is in Chapter 7. The bed linens company folded and the scuba school went under! Are any of our loans still good? Yeah, the music streaming service is totally sound! And ironically, the lighting company is in the black!

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

What say we rough it today and go without ice in our drinks!

'We're like family. I look out for them. They look out for me.'

"And where have you previously moused?"

"Read our contracts, Ms Donahue. It says 'No Sexual Harassment on the workfloor!'"

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

LEMONADE 50 CENTS, 'I'm only seven years old -- I don't HAVE a credit rating yet!'

'I am willing to concede that the company has been underperforming of late...'