Romantic Novelist Gifts

'First it was cave painting, now it's chick lit.'

"I thought you liked romantic fiction."

Writers wait in their area of expertise.

VALENTINES: Stuck Like Glue

"He had everything: money, looks, personality, loving wife, beautiful kids..."

'I hope our new work coach is really hands on.'

For his next book, he would write an epic novel of the sea.

"You're going to hate yourself."

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Meet The Author"

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

The DaVinci Code

Reading my Critics

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

Honoré de Balzac

'My understanding of psychiatry is that women fantasiss and men internalise - in fact I'd like to internalise right now.'

Little dog in Romance section in bookstore under sign: 'Puppy Love'

Jean-Paul Sartre

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

John Bunyan

Woman blowing dust off book 'Desert Romance'

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

Duke of Clarence (Later William IV) Promenading with Family

'Listen up, Baskerville! This is MacDonald! Those hounds of yours are scaring the E-I-E-I-O out of my animals!'

Trilby - 'Je prong!'

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

Sue the Author 3PM

"Author does not do tricks."

Murder in Apartment 6-K

Iris Murdoch

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'