Review Romance Novelist Gifts

What're you doing? Reviewing a new blender. The company that makes it paid me $50 to write reviews under 14 different pen names. ***** The only reason I gave this incredible BlendMaster X2500 five stars is because they don't allow you to give 20 stars! If this blender were a lady, it would be Princess Di. Buy it, yesterday! Signed, Izzy Notreal. Colorful. But you heart's not in it, Izzy. Why, why can't I ever cheat with conviction?

For his next book, he would write an epic novel of the sea.

"You're going to hate yourself."

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Meet The Author"

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

Victor Hugo

The DaVinci Code

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

Reading my Critics

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

Bank Loan Dept. Personal Business. Uh-oh, some loans have gone bad! A tennis pro defaulted and a novelist is in Chapter 7. The bed linens company folded and the scuba school went under! Are any of our loans still good? Yeah, the music streaming service is totally sound! And ironically, the lighting company is in the black!

Little dog in Romance section in bookstore under sign: 'Puppy Love'

Jean-Paul Sartre

Honoré de Balzac

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

Woman blowing dust off book 'Desert Romance'

John Bunyan

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Novel

"So the white whale was really just a metaphor for your mother's lack of affection?"

Duke of Clarence (Later William IV) Promenading with Family

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

Iris Murdoch

Layer cake

Sue the Author 3PM

"Author does not do tricks."

Trilby - 'Je prong!'

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

Murder in Apartment 6-K

Gunter Grass

'Listen up, Baskerville! This is MacDonald! Those hounds of yours are scaring the E-I-E-I-O out of my animals!'

George Orwell