Romance Novelist Gifts

'Great romance novel, Miss Latimer! I like Luigi, your latino heartthrob. But why does he only seduce women about your age?'

Love on the wards - A hospital romance.

For his next book, he would write an epic novel of the sea.

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"You're going to hate yourself."

"Meet The Author"

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

Victor Hugo

The DaVinci Code

Reading my Critics

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

Honoré de Balzac

Bank Loan Dept. Personal Business. Uh-oh, some loans have gone bad! A tennis pro defaulted and a novelist is in Chapter 7. The bed linens company folded and the scuba school went under! Are any of our loans still good? Yeah, the music streaming service is totally sound! And ironically, the lighting company is in the black!

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

'My understanding of psychiatry is that women fantasiss and men internalise - in fact I'd like to internalise right now.'

Jean-Paul Sartre

Little dog in Romance section in bookstore under sign: 'Puppy Love'

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

Woman blowing dust off book 'Desert Romance'

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Novel

John Bunyan

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

"So the white whale was really just a metaphor for your mother's lack of affection?"

Duke of Clarence (Later William IV) Promenading with Family

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

Trilby - 'Je prong!'

"Author does not do tricks."

Gunter Grass

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

Sue the Author 3PM

Iris Murdoch

Murder in Apartment 6-K

'Listen up, Baskerville! This is MacDonald! Those hounds of yours are scaring the E-I-E-I-O out of my animals!'