Ritual Humorist Gifts

"I'm getting earthy overtones of guilt, with just a hint of sexual frustration."

"Virgin?! My bad. . . I thought you asked for a vegan."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

At the 2021 Religious Games

"You call this a constitution?"

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"I certainly trust this meal is kosher."

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

Ten Commandments

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

"Seriously, I used to be the staff of a guy named Moses, man the stories I could tell..."

Guru.

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

'The Brothers of the Order of Saint Orson, patron saint of fried foods'

Single Prayer Health Insurance

"Does the ark have wifi?"

Sermon Applause.

'Meaning of life? You bet! Here, pull my finger.'

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

'Please take your receipt!'

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

Praying Mantis.

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

Regifts of the Magi

'This business about the meek inheriting the Earth -- can't anything be done about it?'

'What are you giving up for Lent this year?' - 'Anchovies.' - 'I thought you hated anchovies?' - 'I do. Care for a cookie instead?' - 'Lent is supposed to be about challenge and sacrifice!' - 'Play to win, Baby!'

"We're in deep trouble... there are some people quoting back to us what we taught them."

The Vatican's undercover mission to Antarctica, and some endangered penguins.