Ritual Humorist Pillows

"I'm getting earthy overtones of guilt, with just a hint of sexual frustration."

"Virgin?! My bad. . . I thought you asked for a vegan."

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

At the 2021 Religious Games

"You call this a constitution?"

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"I certainly trust this meal is kosher."

Ten Commandments

Pope tarts.

'The Brothers of the Order of Saint Orson, patron saint of fried foods'

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

"Seriously, I used to be the staff of a guy named Moses, man the stories I could tell..."

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

Guru.

'Please take your receipt!'

'Meaning of life? You bet! Here, pull my finger.'

Sermon Applause.

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

"Does the ark have wifi?"

Single Prayer Health Insurance

R.C.I.A.

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

'Nice try, but Disneyland isn't a foreign mission.'

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

Praying Mantis.

'What are you giving up for Lent this year?' - 'Anchovies.' - 'I thought you hated anchovies?' - 'I do. Care for a cookie instead?' - 'Lent is supposed to be about challenge and sacrifice!' - 'Play to win, Baby!'

Regifts of the Magi

'This business about the meek inheriting the Earth -- can't anything be done about it?'