Religion Humorist Pillows

'This confession may be recorded for quality assurance.'

Jeff gives it up for Lent.

'Hello, I'm your new service provider'.

'You want us to cut WHAT off?'

And the Lord said: 'I created the universe. What on earth makes you think I'll be impressed by a dead goat?'

"And I was most disappointed with last sunday's offertory."

'Original spin'

"Did Jesus create these locally?"

'What sort of job did you do in Poland?'

Monks watching television, TV and radio times, 'Eurovision contemplative silence contest'

'This business about the meek inheriting the Earth -- can't anything be done about it?'

'We're meant to have 5-a-day, actually!'

Priest says to man in confessional: 'Blah-de-blah ... come on, get to the good stuff!'

The last Easter

'This one contains the commandments that will make people ENJOY life! Ha ha, just kidding.'

"Goddam virtue signalling!"

My Kinda God

"This is a beta test, right?"

Monkey's Ejected from the Garden of Eden

"Do you think there's any chance he'll flip flop on sin?"

"I swear, '€#$%&' is a real quote from the Dalai Lama! To be fair though, I had just stepped on his toe..."

"My friend Christian is thinking of changing his name. He just became an atheist.."

Mitre cosy

"All the victims have been found gnawed to their skeletons on a Friday...I fear there's a serial killer out there!"

"According to scripture, Jesus can see you sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows if you're bad or good. So be... Oops... Never mind... I was thinking of a different deity."

Aisle 3 Loaves and fishes

"And there's one more - Do not covet they neighbour's Wifi."

"Spread the gospel, not germs. Wash your hands!"

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"Have I found Jesus?! Well he sure as hell wasn't on the couch where I was just napping!"

'Thou shalt not covet a parking space.'

"I just started following you."

"'Thou shalt not kill'....Well, does that ring a bell?"

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

"Thank god for that. I thought I was going deaf."